daysleeper

How to handle this

nointention — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 20:04:45 +0000

how to explain that sometimes i feel tired of living. been alone for too long and luckily i am the kind of person who likes being alone so it hadn’t been so hard.but i guess i have reached that time when it needs to change.

So beautiful

nointention — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 06:22:31 +0000

God. It’s so beautiful. So intimate. So poetic. So comforting. So intense. So familiar. So needed. So liberating. So loved. So right…

Words cannot describe it. God, why do You make it so complicatedly beautiful? I can’t find the words to represent the greatest, nicest feeling when I am needed and loved. Cherished by one man.

I love you. Honestly.In.Love.With.You.

unlucky

nointention — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 16:16:13 +0000

I guess I’m unlucky in love. Can’t find myself a man that I love who loves me back. I have an imaginary man. He is perfect in his flaws. But still he is not here with me.
No luck. Sad. Hopeless. Helpless. Walau bagaimana pun, kena jugak teruskan hidup ini berseorangan. I’m unlucky in love, that’s my conclusion.

I have to be strong

nointention — Fri, 20 May 2011 09:57:21 +0000

I have to be strong for my own sake. I have to fight the demons inside me. However hard and seemingly impossible it is, I have to try and keep trying. I have to stand tall and weather it. I must take me and bring me to the right path; the path that will lead me to peace and tranquility, acceptance and love. I’ve got to be resilient. It’s not easy, but I guess all that is left for me is to work harder and try to stand back again after falling down. Every day is a new day. I’m born again every morning and what happens today is what matters most, not yesterday, not tomorrow. Now.

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

Helen Keller

“I’m learning the business of building a life. Instead of getting instant gratification by getting high, I push my nose as far into the grindstone as I can. The honey, the reward, is the feeling of well-being, the continuity, the sense that I am walking toward a place I want to go.” Robert Downey Jr

Peringatan

nointention — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 13:24:55 +0000

Sabda Rasulullah SAW:

“Kenalilah Allah di waktu senang, nescaya Dia mengenalimu pada waktu kesusahan”

Riwayat Ibn Abbas

—sentiasa solat dan bertasbih

Doa Nabi Yunus a.s…dari Surah al-Anbiya’: 87-88

“Sesungguhnya tiada Tuhan melainkan Engkau, Maha Suci Engkau, sesungguhnya aku termasuk dalam golongan orang-orang yang menganiayai diri sendiri/zalim”

Jagalah pandangan – lihatlah perkara yang baik-baik sahaja. Sesungguhnya mata adalah anugerah Allah yang tidak ternilai. Janganlah mensia-siakannya dengan melihat perkara yang merosakkan.

Ya Allah! Lindungilah diriku dari melakukan perkara-perkara ynag Engkau murkai. Ampunilah dosa-dosa ku ya Allah!

Jangan berputus asa dengan rahmat Allah

nointention — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 13:19:18 +0000

Hatim Al Assam pernah ditangkap oleh tentera Rom semasa beliau berjuang dalam peperangan fi sabilillah. Ketika tentera Rom ingin membunuhnya dengan cara menyembelih lehernya, beliau telah berdoa kepada Allah bahawa dia ingin melihat takdirnya. Dengan izin Allah, sebatang anak panah telah menusuk leher si penyembelih. Ini menunjukkan bahawa kita tidak boleh berputus asa memohon rahmat Allah kerana kita tidak tahu pengakhiran sesuatu perkara, sama ada begini atau begitu. Jadi teruskan berdoa kepada Allah, yakin kepadaNya walau apa keadaan sekali pun. Harapan sentiasa ada. Serahkan kepada Allah dan teruskan usaha tanpa perlu risau kerana semuanya adalah di bawah kekuasaan Allah. Tiada daya kita melainkan dengan izin Allah…

Mesti ingat selalu kalau ingin bahagia di dunia dan akhirat

nointention — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 12:55:51 +0000

Hatim Al-Asam was among the friends of Shaqiq Al-Balkhi. One day Shaqiq asked Hatim “You have kept my company for thirty years, what have you gained in the course of these years?” Hatim replied: “I have gained eight benefits. I hope my salvation and safety are embodied in them. Shaqiq asked Hatim to mention them.

Hatim Al-Asam said

The first benefit: I observed the creation and saw that everyone had loved one another and passionately desired whom he loved and longed for. Some of the beloved accompany the lover up to the brink of sickness and death and others to the gate of the graveyard. All of them return and leave them alone. No one goes into the coffin with them. I looked into the matter and said to myself: ‘The best beloved is that which would enter the tomb with the lover to console him’. I found it to be nothing else then good works, so I took this as my beloved, to illuminate my grave for me and to comfort me in it and not leave me alone.

The second benefit: I saw people were following their lusts and hastening towards the desires of their souls; I meditated on the saying of Allah (God) “But as for whoever has feared the majesty of his Lord and has refrained his soul from lust, truly the Garden shall be his dwelling place”. Convinced that the Quran was true and right, I began to deny my soul (its pleasures) and hurried to combat it and refuse it its passionate desires, until it enjoyed real satisfaction in obedience to Allah the Exhalted.

The third benefit: I saw that every human being is trying their best to accumulate as much as they can from this world and then holding onto it strongly. I meditated on the Quranic verse “What is with you must vanish; what is with Allah must endure”. So I gave freely my worldly possessions for His sake by distributing them among the poor so that it would be my provision in the future with Him the Exalted.

The fourth benefit: Some people I observed think that their dignity and honour lie with their family and large clans. Others claimed honour and dignity in abundance of wealth and children and they are proud of it. Some believe in honour and power lies by appropriating the wealth of others, doing injustice to them and shedding their blood. Others consider dignity by spending wealth extravagently and in a foolish manner. I meditated on the saying of Allah: “The most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is he who is the most righteous of you”. I chose righteousness for myself, convinced that the Quran is right and true and the claims and opinions of those people (at the time) are false and temporary.

The fifth benefit: I found people slandering each other and speaking ill of one another out of envy of fortune, power and knowledge. I meditated on the saying of Allah: “It is We Who divide their livelihood among them in the life of this world”. I realised that the dividing of livelihood is entirely in the hands of Allah since the beginning of time. Therefore I never envied anyone and was satisfied with what Allah had given me.

The sixth benefit: I saw people becoming enemies of one another for different reasons. I meditated upon the saying of Allah: “Verily Satan is an enemy to you, so treat him as a enemy”. I become aware that enmity with anyone but Satan was not permissible.

The seventh benefit: I saw everyone working hard exhausting themselves in obtaining food and sustenance, tempted by doubts and forbidden things. They degrade themselves in humiliation. I pondered over the saying of Allah: “There is no creature on earth but its sustenance is dependent on Allah”. I knew that my livelihood is guaranteed by Allah.

The eigth beneift: I saw everyone relied on a created thing, some on currency, some on wealth and property, some on trade and craft and some on creatures like themselves. I meditated on the saying of Allah: “And whosoever places his reliance on Allah sufficient is Allah for him. Allah will surely accomplish His purpose. Verily for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion. I therefore placed full trust in Allah (We should all try to do the same). He is sufficient for me and He is the best Disposer of affairs.

At this point Shaqiq said: “May Allah bless you and grant you success. I looked into the Old and New Testament, the Zabur (Psalms of David) and the Quran and have found that the four books revolve around these eight benefits. Whoever works according to them is working according to these four books”.

Hatim Al-Asam and Shaqiq Al-Balkhi were two Sufi Muslims. This story relates from the year 810AD

Try

nointention — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 17:02:36 +0000

I’ll try to practice what I’ve learned. It’s time to apply, it’s time to heal myself too.

1. Accept it

2. Disappear from his radar

3. Removing his safety net

4.Have a great time without him

I won’t go into the next phase yet. I don’t want to think about that. Right now is the time to just shake him out of my system, to detoxify, to cleanse and to start living my way, the way I want to. All I have to do now is to stay low. Discover myself back. Who knows, interesting thing may happen, things other than him maybe.

I let it go, like before

nointention — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 15:57:25 +0000

So I have let it go. I am back to the way I was before. Nonchalant, blase. Maybe denial too. But it’s okay. At least I feel numb. I plan to not feel anything for a while, after a long desperate roller coaster ride. Phew. It was emotional, full of drama. Did I like it? Yeah. Do I want it again? For now, no. It was a roller coaster ride indeed, ups and downs. I was extremely happy for a moment, and then extremely devastated the next moment. It was very draining and it used up a hell lot of my time. So now I need a break from that..back to my routine, taking care of myself too. I let all the longing go..to a small compartment in the back of my brain. I’ll reminisce when I have time. I forgive myself for being that way, letting all my guard down, because I know I have needs that sometimes cannot be appeased alone, I needed a partner to help me. I hope I will find my real partner in the future, and he is all that I dreamed off. As long as we can make each other happy, help each other, understand one another. (Although I have to say, hands down, so far it cannot be challenged).

You’re one of God’s better people

nointention — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 14:52:36 +0000

I watched and wondered with awe at her. Her confidence, articulation, intelligence, ..she’s definitely one of God’s better people. And I looked at myself and knew I’ll never be the person she is. She was born into a family of great minds, it’s in her blood. I would give anything to be in her shoes at that particular time; standing there on the dais receiving compliments on her presentation. I would give anything to have her fluency, confidence, to have nothing to be afraid of, nothing to be ashamed of. I felt very small looking at her. I sat there in the hall among the crowd quietly and wished and wished. I guess some people are given the trait by God, and it’s their luck to be blessed like that. I’m grateful for what God has given me too. I’m just going to do with what I have. I wish people like her have more understanding of people like me, to have empathy that some people are not as lucky as they are. Maybe we are not sharp, not witty, not socially adept like you are; but please do not reject us, please cut us some slack. We do not asked to be like this…nobody wants to be burdened like this, yet we carry it on our shoulders because we have no choice, God has given this to use. We just make do with what we are given…and we will try to compensate and try to work harder to fit in, but it will never be as easy. To work to have something that is not given compared to to work on something that’s already given. Be grateful for all your advantages, and be kind to us mere mortals. We will never be remembered like you. You are destined for greatness, to work on something big…while people like me will just be grateful enough to have a car, a roof over our head and a hot meal in the kitchen. That’s just my destiny. In any case, I’m happy to know such a person like you, to remind me of my origin, my place on this earth, and to be more humble to everyone.